We all have voices in our heads that speak to us. I’m not talking about the type of voices that signal a mental illness. I’m talking about the little nagging ones that tell us we didn’t try hard enough, we’re not as good as our colleague, we’re a lousy parent, we should be working instead of playing, we’ll never be a success. There is a universal voice that we all have, and that is the Inner Critic.
Our inner critic knows exactly what to say to get our attention and make us doubt ourselves. One of the most common ways we are told to silence our inner critic is using positive affirmations. I googled “positive affirmations” and immediately got 622,000 responses. You may find positive affirmations helpful, but there is a powerful alternative method.
Our loudest inner voices are unique to us, and what we need to realize is that those voices probably came into our lives very early and their purpose was and is to protect us. Perhaps we were rewarded for good grades and superior performance and punished and called lazy or stupid for anything less. The little voice in our head told us, “Work hard, always be the best” or if we wanted to watch a TV show or listen to music, the little voice screamed, “you’re lazy, get moving.” The voice was trying to keep us safe.
Perhaps we learned early on if we pleased others with our actions and words, we would be liked so we ignored our own needs and wants because we knew if we pleased others, we would stay safe. So, if a friend asks us to go out to dinner one night, and we’re exhausted, our inner critic admonishes us, “go ahead. You don’t want to disappoint them. They may get mad.”
Our Inner Critic makes us uncomfortable, so we try to find ways to silence it – often with the use of positive affirmations. But our inner critic exists to keep us safe so trying to drown it out will only make it louder.
Think about the last time your inner critic screamed in your ear, “you’re lazy, check that document again, it probably has tons of errors.” Your Inner Critic knows that superior, error-free work is what has made you feel safe in the past, and it is afraid you may make a mistake and that is dangerous. A positive affirmation is not going to quiet it.
What if instead, you acknowledged your inner critic by saying, “Thank you … (.even name your inner critic). I know you’re just trying to keep me safe, and I appear to be responding in a way that feels dangerous, but trust me, I’ve got this. You can relax. Acknowledging and befriending your inner critic is more effective than trying to drown it out with positive talk.
